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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Ode to the boy with diamonds for eyesI think we were a collision course waiting to happen
And when I think back to the day when we first
Stumbled across one another, red sneakers hanging off gutters
Cherry cola voice overs and dilated pupils
We led one another on to believe in the night sky of connect the dot constellations
You wanted to dissect me and peer into the insides of my lungs
Only to find witches breath and dandelions
Slicing iron vowels you locked your hands in mine
And we fell into the static of dreaming disease
The operating table broke away to reveal a sky that never existed
And we couldn't help but laugh at the irony
Because wishing was never an option
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
Our MasksThe masks we wear are perfect
Never loose and rarely tight
They keep us safe from others
And keep our demons out of sight
They smile when we are broken
And laugh when we simply must
No blemish or imperfection
A creation that will never rust.
I seldom ever remember
Who I am without my mask
That to peel off that layer
Is such a daunting task
All others carry one as well
Wherever they may go
And no matter what is on their minds
Only the molded mask will show.
The lies they preach in public
Or the scars along their wrists
Are left mute to others knowledge
Ignorance is such a splendid gift
My mask is oh so perfect
Not a crack will show
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
One special personEveryone leaves you.
Everyone gives up.
Everyone stops loving you, and stops believing in you, and stops caring about you.
Everyone will say something to hurt you.
Everyone will eventually agree with you when you say “I feel worthless”.
And everyone will eventually say something about you.
And everyone will hurt you intentionally.
Everyone leaves you.
And everyone gives up.
But one person, one special person
Will never leave you.
Will never give up on you.
Will never stop loving you, and never stop believing in you, and never stop caring about you.
Never say anything to hurt you.
Never let you say “I feel worthless”,
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
Lost In ConfusionLost In Confusion
My mind is spinning without a rest
Emotions whirl and twirl around
A merry-go-round gaining speed
Until the world blurrs before my eyes
What's happening? What's going on?
The simplest thought slips away
Right from my mind, fading so fast
Trying to focus, I stare and stare
Until my eyes are heavy and unclear.
I don't understand, what is going on..
Emotions rise and fall again
Within the blink of an eye
I'm crying, laughing, and depressed
A roller-coaster ride that never ends
Am I losing my mind in this?
I try to close my eyes and rest
But the world spins me around
I feel like I am failing this test
Voices and noises echo
Best DiseaseWaves crash through the emptiness that fills the air around
Beating rocks upon the shore with silence as their sound
Sunset melts across the sky and paints the clouds with color
Lying there beside you, something wondrous like no other
Suddenly, the blades start slicing through my very skin
Every knife upon your tongue that came from far within
Running through the thickest forest, dirt rests in my cuts
Throwing knives into my flesh, the blade coated in rust
And though you are the one that scarred me, brought me to my pain
I continue dreaming of our kiss inside the rain
Maybe you have broken me, and maybe you’re impure.
But your love i
Deactivatedthere are voids and black holes
papercuts sinking deep into
only to meet the unmarred love
of bones, strong and
bare and pure.
dark oceans are bleached
into tears that leave nothing
but sea salt in my lips
and my words are injustice
to the death of
this is me
trying to be
trying to preserve the ardor
of your words
and the honey sweet taste
of your passion
how my lungs work
(when I don't read something from you
I die more than a little on the inside).
Sun and StarsEvery other star I find
I'll give to you for peace of mind
Until your night's so full of stars
You'll never notice that it's dark
And when the daylight finally breaks
It'll dry the tear stains from your face
Reach out and put your hand in mine
We'll spread our wings and start to fly
There's no cause to be afraid of heights
You've finally learned the power flight
Freedom's already been bought at its price
The sun and stars are in your eyes
You've got no right to be ashamed
Guilt and sorrow have passed away
Just leave these flowers at the grave
And follow me into the day
If you're still lost alone in the dark
I'll light the way
What is it?
A devout search for truth?
Or a farce to uplift your "morals"?
Who is it for?
The accused? A chance for redemption?
The populace? A necessary protection?
The victim? Some bittersweet compensation?
Probably the most likely.
You bloated, greedy bastards
And where is justice delivered?
In the court? Not very often
In the twisted shadows?
So it must be, with the blade you have made illegal
With the same mindset that condones childslaughter
The social standing of the innocent?
You placed them at your level
Wallowing in bloodstained souls
Amongst their sin-rusted coffi
Masquerade of MadnessStep lightly amidst ornate feet
Don't let your mask slip
It would do you no good
If your identity was revealed
There's no place for people in this masquerade
For on this night, you don't have to be human
Twirling in tune to the madness, we can forget everything
Tomorrow, yesterday, who we have been and will be
They are all hidden behind patterned colors and smiles
Even your dearest friend can hide from you
While holding you close and dancing the floor
Step lightly, be quick while this lasts
Time is fleeting, and fun flies by so fast
There's a certain freedom in hiding behind a mask
No need for formalities
Even the biggest fool
HourglassIn this sea of empty faces
I flow with the current
So I don't drown
Words and footsteps melt
Scabbing over, desensitizing
My gaping wounds and memories
But your face is full of life
Radiant and blinding
I can't avert my eyes
Praying you'll meet them
And see my silent prayer
"Notice me. Remember me.
Let me know you know I'm there."
Recognition lights those eyes
Masked green wells of such depth
They swallow me whole
As you smile
Greet me kindly
Offer me your arms
A friendly, morning gesture
Turning my hourglass upside down
I step into your embrace.
A waterfall of sand
Through a piercing in my m
An Ode to WordsWhoever was brilliant enough to recall the pulchritude of words,
Exquisite in their winsome glamor
Is truly my hero; I'll not deny, veto, or abjure
That I am a nerd, fantastical and absurd
You may laugh, scoff, or even mock my state of mind
But your ignorance is astounding, your bliss must be sublime
In order to come across as intelligent or exceptionally bright
And everyone wants to be exceptional in their own perquisite and right
One must master the art of speech, true communication and it's allure
Those who don't end up in the mire of society's public squalor
Woe be unto them! When the ones they belittled in their youth
Pale Truths, Crimson LiesA pale truth, barely spoken
That I so clearly see
All of my romantic notions
Will be the death of me
But still I cannot bear
This empty stagnancy
I will therefore, go on to dare
To love, despite humanity
We stake our all on beings
As dependable as we
And end up hurt and wondering
How all this came to be
We end up cold and bitter
How many times we break!
Our hearts are yards of litter
Left in our lovers' wakes
We only now just realized
Their bloody, crimson lies
To me, words are serpents
Carelessly, they hyptonize
They sing my heart to sleep
A deadly lullaby
But in all truth, they're empty
They aren't exactly lies
The Boy Who Never KnockedHe found her alone that night
The boy who never knocked
She was curled on her side
In a web of fabric and feathers
Tangled and woven by restless sleep
Tears adorned her lowered lashes
But stained her cheeks in ruined glory
Even when finally at rest
It seemed that fear pursued her
Causing her to shudder
A cruel and unfair hunter.
She stirred not a breath
When her unseen visitor
Knelt by her side
But his words, perhaps,
Fell not so in vain
They may have found their whispered way
Through tears and nightmares
Despair and pain:
"Through better or worse, I hope you know
That what you once held dear
Will once again be precious
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More